. Things are bad. Travelers returning from 2007 arrive weighing less than they did when they left here. They come in with lower blood counts, fewer teeth, and in some cases naked, their bodies covered with open sores and suppurating pustules. Their memories are scrambled and, in a significant number of cases, they experience severe amnesia and don't remember who they are and where they came from. Things are bad. We gave up all our rights the moment we accepted the notion that Customer Service could be a COMPUTER. We are finished. [See Note 1] Actually, it's just as well to realize that, really, the worst is over. From now on all you can do is get some drugs and try to survive as best you can. Take VOICEMAIL. Now here, truly, is the REVENGE OF THE NERDS -- with a Vengeance! That's a capital V. You have NO choice when it comes to whether or not to play VOICEMAIL. You WILL play VOICEMAIL whether you like it or not. As Humpty Dumpty so cleverly quipped, "The question is, which is to be master?" We know the answer to that, don't we? Just make a phone call. We are a conquered people. The invader has destroyed our vision of ourselves and has eroded our work habits, our moral and ethical values, the authority of our elders and, not least, our commitment to Religion. It's not that we LET it happen. We didn't. What happened is we had no choice! We were defeated and we are now OCCUPIED TERRITORY. On top of that we are suffering from Viet Nam Syndrome -- we can't really tell who the Enemy is or where it hides, we just know he's out there. And if we are not careful we may just kill some of our own. Most of the time we do. This is worse than the threat of Godless Communism. And that's not the end of it. At current rates of "documentation" and of technological "growth" we will run out of memory in the year 2005. Travelers returning from 2007 have confirmed this forecast. If we want to avoid ARCHIVE DEATH, it is imperative that we stop keeping records! There will NEVER be enough memory, and there will NEVER be enough bandwidth. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Get used to it. The fact is, it's too late. No one will believe this any more than people believed the warning about the Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Subtlety will not work, and brute force will not work. So -- forget about crying wolf. Save yourself. You can start by refusing to use the phone system. Start now, keep going, and never look back. Oh yes, and you can go back now to eating all those fat foods and inhaling second-hand smoke. It's all over anyhow. You might as well get all the mileage you can before everything implodes. Good luck. And don't call me.
Note 1: Remember "faceless bureaucrats"? Increasingly, inquiries about health records, insurance claims, and other accounts are answered by faceless prison inmates! The question whether we are better served by Customer Service in the form of a computer or in the form of humans behind bars whose penitentiaries sell their work is as challenging as that other great age-old quandary -- whether we would rather see Tweedledum or Tweedledee jump from the frying pan into the fire.
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